I'm Sexy & I Think I Know It.

One of my best friends sent me this article on Black Girls Are Easy about dating vs. "come over and chill." 

Boys, read it. It's hilarious. 

Ladies, read it. It's the truth.

Best quotes from the reading:

"Don’t think because some Hoes are winning that you should follow that lifestyle, little ghetto boys shouldn’t drop out of school and try to become Tony Montana, and frustrated girls shouldn't close their heart and start hoeing—few are built for that life. However keep one thing in the back of your mind when thinking about Hoes—Value. A Hoe knows her value, it may be a ratchet ass Juicy Couture bag or it may be a condo on South Beach, either way she got something."


"Just because going over to chill is something to do, doesn’t mean it’s something you should do. Ask to go on date, better yet, steal a little bit of confidence from the Hoes and TELL him you want to go on a date. Stop being happy just to have a man like you! Not only is he supposed to like you he is supposed to worship you. Your charisma should be so f*cking electrifying that any guy who is privileged enough to go out on a date with you should be going out to buy new clothes, getting his car waxed, and scouring Yelp for the most romantic places he could take you on a first date. Getting a bad chick to say “yes” to a date should be like winning the lottery, don’t let him take you for granted as if you’re just another b*tch. You are the Queen of Sparta, owner of a 24-karat p*ssy that these peasants aren’t even worthy to smell. Show confidence, and you will always be treated like quality!"


LOL!

Any who, reading it made me analyze myself just a little bit more. I like to analyze stuff. Figured out some thangs. 

I mean, I know it, and a lot of my friends know it. 

I lack confidence. There. I said it.

Like, I don't necessarily have low self-esteem and throw pity parties for myself, but I know I don't walk into a room and command attention (from men). I've always been a quiet, reserved girl and always labeled myself as "shy."

The thing is that I'm not even sure if I'm "shy" anymore, because if need be, I can become a shiner and talk up a storm and sh*t on hoes with my talents if I so desired. But in social settings I tend to fall back and just observe, and with guys I clam up altogether. Or creepy older men are attracted to my "poised" (aka silent) nature. I don't get it. I don't think me being pseudo-shy is my issue at all.

Unfortunately, I just haven't embraced me yet. 

My friends tell me I'm great, but then again who's friends wouldn't tell them that? I feel like it's standard friendship protocol.  

I'm my biggest critic and tend to beat myself up about the little things. I also am a huge hypocrite, because I allow myself to fall victim to comparisons, and I always say I HATE when people compare things. 

Don't worry, working on this is my #2 priority (after dedicating myself to being a superstar intern). I've been praying every night for the Big Guy Upstairs to help me with my confidence. EVERY night. 

Pray for me too.

Let's hope he fits me into his busy schedule. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Past “Should”

In 2017, I sat in the pews of three churches or the rows of fancy reception halls watching two people in love become one union. And for the weddings I didn’t attend, I saw enough of the ceremony on social media to make me feel like I was there, dodging the thrown bouquet per usual. I always wonder if their special day came close to (or exceeded) what they drummed up in their dreams prior to. Culturally, we joke and say that from youth, us women, prayerful brides-to-be, spend years planning for their weddings, regardless of if the husband part of the equation has been factored in yet. We know the style and cut of engagement rings, possible surprise engagement scenarios, the type of dress and hair, locations and venues, months, seasons, guest lists, table decor, honeymoons, you name it. And it’s a fun and wonderful thing to imagine. I love to chime in to the building of this fantasy as, through age, we inch towards their realities. All my life I’ve wanted to become a best friend turned...
Read more

Whose Life Is This?

my life doesn't feel like my own. it's a funny thing to wake up in the morning, feel around in the darkness with my fingertips, trying to find orientation from the safety of my bed, walk over to the mirror, flick on the lights and see nothing. not literally of course. there i stand, looking back at myself, wiping the crust from my eye corners and staring down a shell. a big ball of empty housed by a brown body prepped for a daily routine of busywork, and a wandering mind, brimming with problems both real and imagined, blocking a purpose.   what am i doing? why am i doing this? wordlessly, the refrain haunts me as i fight morning fatigue, standing soapy under running warm water, fixing eggs and tea, slipping on one shoe then the other, setting foot outside, already looking forward to when that same foot will step back inside the house at the end of the day, and my bed's call will be answered. repeat. i am 28. i am 28 and lost. i am 28 and lost and living like I have to be t...
Read more

Must I Remember?

I keep seeing the ghosts of things I've wanted but could never have. I think I have a knack for preparing people for their next best things. Or, at least it always feels that way. And since this is clearly the era of seeing, remembering--frequently, at that--even when you don't want to, I suffer. Memories real and hypothetical wring at my insides. I saw a Him I wanted once in the train station today. He still looked like the gentleman that I knew him to be. Button down shirt, slim jeans, dress boots. Tall and lanky with the swagger of a Harlem trumpeter. A quirky tangle of locks that had nearly doubled in length since we were last in each other's midst. Engaged. Invisibly, of course. You can't tell on the outside--the She was not there--but I know. Thanks to the joy and unwanted charity of social media, and that we remained "friends" on one the most visual platforms of our generation, I see constant proof that the flame I'd hoped for three or so years ag...
Read more